QYAM: Red Flags Article Edition


Hey Occulties,I told you this article would cause some upheaval, so let's look at some questions I received (some in multiples,) shall we?Q: Was that article written about me?A: It's possible you have engaged in one or more of the many bulleted points, however, considering about 20% of my clients do, that would point to the article not being written specifically about you, but rather about several people like yourself who, during almost 20 years of being in business for the public, have displayed one or more of those behaviors at any given time. While I do apologize if you feel “called out,” realize that you should consider I'm calling out about TWENTY PERCENT OF MY CLIENTELE, which means there is going to be some fallout when I do, however, since many of the bulleted points are things which if the client would STOP ENGAGING IN UNHELPFUL BEHAVIORS DESCRIBED, would lead to faster, stronger manifestations, the aim is to HELP and not cause unnecessary melodramatics. Also, people who read that article and see themselves before hiring me will be discouraged from hiring me – at least while in the throes of such a mental state as to engage in said actions/behaviors/etc, which in turn leaves me more time to spend with people who do not engage in those behaviors. What is really the interesting point is that I HAVE ALSO ENGAGED IN EVERY SINGLE BEHAVIOR LISTED AT SOME TIME OR ANOTHER (except perhaps excessive crying), and yet because I recognized what I was doing, I generally turned things around and learned NOT TO BEHAVE AS SO, thus ensuring my work for myself manifested amazingly, instead of sputtering during my own obsessive anxiety meltdowns, BUT in the 2 instances regarding matters of the heart wherein I could not turn myself around and fell victim to my own lust for results, I did not get what I wanted in the end, so I can totally relate to where you are right now…because I've been there myself. :/ The only one I think I avoided was the excessive crying one, so I get where you are…except in believing a lot of tears are helpful, but again, I wasn't raised to believe that they really ever are.Q: I asked you all about how x would happen once, but never asked again, – does that make me obsessive?A: No, if someone is being obsessive, it's always more than once or even twice, the person is very fixated on specific details (ex. I say probably will happen in a restaurant and then it happens at a bar/nightclub, so they assume I'm “wrong,” for the trivial change therein, or I say something like their ex has a blue shirt on but it's red when the event happens, etc,) and it's always a fixation on a specific time frame often paired with fixation on specific elements to an unhealthy degree. Think of it like someone demanding to know what the name, date of birth, blood type, and marital status of every delivery driver involved in the delivery of their package is ON TOP OF the exact second it will arrive on the exact day vs I order something and it says by Sunday, but I get it the day after and I forgot when it said it would be delivered so I'm just as happy…one is the obsessive one, the other is your average Joe. Q: I asked if someone loved me and what they felt before – do you hate me?A: Again, no. It's very normal to ask me this, it is the frequency of the question which is one problem, and the other problem is that if you're hyper sensitive, you probably won't want to know the triggers which create the desire to come to you. I am not exactly blind to that one feels insecure about another's feelings when doing reconciliation, but if you're really raw, it can be hurtful to find out that their reasoning may have underlying sycophantic or narcissistic features or may be based off of reasoning which one might not find exactly romantic. Also, love is not often nearly a relevant thing in the course of “will they be good to me,” or “will they come back,” – just because a jerk loves you, it doesn't make them not a jerk. So asking “does he/she love me,” and then weeping while saying I must be wrong because then they would totally treat you right is perhaps cathartic for you, but it really doesn't help us find out the information we need to get to how you can take actions (be that to recognize that this person is a big piece of shit and you're better off without them, or that if you take specific actions you can have them back,) to create the best outcome for you. So, while I understand you want to know if they ever actually loved you, asking me this repeatedly is generally going to give you a yes they do, and still won't be the solution to any of your problems. Q: I suspect that entire article was basically an attempt to avoid any responsibility when something doesn't manifest, so why publish it?A: Because you would be wrong in what you suspect. If anything, I underline that I often end up spending my own money to recast, even when I can clearly find specific behaviors and actions which were detrimental on the part of the client towards the spell, often in the belief that anyone can mess up once, and that, through mutual effort on my part and on the part of my client, I should not expect a repeat performance of said troubling behaviors or actions. It's the third time that they do where I'm quite resentful if I am being blamed. I'm not trying to shame people as much as alert them that they've fallen into a bad way of thinking, and if they do not themselves realize that they are, I am trying to discourage them from making any purchases of services which will not help them because they refuse to believe that they could be the author of their own problems.  If this means I'm avoiding responsibility in your eyes, then by all means, move along to someone (and I know of know legitimate worker who thinks like this,) who thinks it's perfectly fine if you work against your own spellwork and complain constantly and never take responsibility. I honestly try my damnedest to help the people who have hired me as much as I possibly can, which even comes down to the ones who absolutely cannot stop engaging in unhelpful actions and behaviors. Q: Am I getting too many readings? A: Possibly. Have I said you are? Have I suggested that they are not helpful and are making you feel worse? If yes, then yes, you are. I try not to foster a dependence on them, and keep an eye on someone's well being. If they make themselves more anxious and upset when they get a reading, I will actively discourage them. Q: Can I turn things around if some or most of this describes me?A: Sure can, but you have to want to change, so it will require a bit of effort. Q: Do you think my beloved is a narcissist?A: Possibly. If I said that they were, then yes. Q: I can't help but be disturbed by the fact that (spell target) is dating (rival,) and I think it's weird that you say I should not be. Are there really people who can just be like “Whatever” when the person they like is dating someone else?A: Yep there are definitely people who are pretty chill about possible rivals, sometimes even moreso than I am. For me, the fact that someone fucked my beloved is a whatever sort of thing, but I have been known to get angry in certain cases. Everyone knows about that creepy girl who never have I ever once met in person, who yet still dated FOUR men (after I did, though not always directly after,) that were long-term boyfriends of mine. If that bitch appears again, I can't imagine I'm going to be sad, but I might finally have to ask some real questions like what is it that she likes so much about a guy with a manhood which was previously marinated by my ladybits, or is it that she actually wants to date me, because I think she's creepy and I will not accept such a proposal. Look, you're a human being and so it's normal to experience some jealousy or anxiety when you want to be with someone else and it seems like they are interested in another. It's when it's overwhelming and always on your mind that it starts to affect your emotional well being as well as your spellwork, and so…you have to remind yourself “This isn't about me,” because usually it is not. Do not compare yourself to that person. I have never loved anyone the same way as I loved the man I dated before him, so stop assuming they have something similar and this person is merely your replacement or substitute, when generally they are neither. That's bad thinking. It's not about you. What happened between you and them is about you, not what's between them and another. Q: So, basically readings are bad for spellwork?A: It depends on who is getting the reading, honestly, but they can cause more harm than good in some cases, yes.Q: Am I emotionally-damaged?A: Here's a test. Are you 25+? If you are, then there is a 99.9% chance that you are emotionally-damaged. Are you 21+ but under 25? If you are, then there is a 97% chance of yes you are. Pretty much everyone is emotionally-damaged. It's OK. Now, if you choose to let it define you – your emotional damage and trauma, then that's probably not good. Like it's okay to know that you have PTSD from a traumatizing event, it's another thing to be completely defined as that person said event happened to.  Did you want to forever be defined as “The person (your love interest) dumped?” or is that not appealing? I'd much rather be “Cat” than “The woman who divorced a person with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder who thought she was controlling the entire world and tried to kill her,” so I'm assuming you would just like to be you, too…not those shitty things that happened to you, but you. If you agree that yes, you would rather your identity not revolve entirely around a traumatizing event, then it's fine, we are all emotionally damaged, and sometimes it comes out in quirks, but most of us move on from it and don't let it define us. Q: How do you avoid crying a lot? I sometimes think I'm just too sensitive. A: I'm a lot more sensitive than people might realize, but I come from a generation that a good part of the anthems of my youth involved feeling crazy for emoting. Literally “I have emotions, I must be crazy, my parents will send me away!” was a pretty big theme. So, some of this is when I was raised. And then there is the experience of being incredibly traumatized and feeling extreme turmoil, and still having to make sure the lights stayed on or that food was in the cupboard and not having the luxury to feel sorry for myself very long. Bills still needed to be paid, stuff needed to get done, and me crying or feeling sorry for myself did not negate my responsibilities, and took up time so now I had less time to do things I had to. It made things worse, in my experience. That aside, there was the time I got drunk and made a whole taco dinner, but the stupid taco kit did not include taco spice and though I normally keep taco spice packets ready AND have the spices to make my own, I lacked chili powder, and had no packets of taco spice, so I threw the entire taco dinner into the trash and then cried about it, which Future Mr NinjaCat got to witness and was like “are you fucking crying about taco spice?” I was inconsolable. My first husband would tell you about a similar incident in which I had a full meltdown because I wanted a cheeseburger from McDonald's and we were at a barbeque party for a friend's birthday…and I'd been drinking hard liquor in the direct sunlight for about 6 hours. I was also inconsolable, and I did not hear the end of the jokes all my friends made for seeing me have a complete histrionic meltdown about a McD's cheeseburger while my friend Eric kept trying to push a paper plate with a cheeseburger at me and assure me he did a super nice job grilling it. Clearly, if you mix hamburger meat, alcohol, and a lacking ingredient, this causes a full meltdown in me, so it's not like I don't cry, it's just often very embarrassing and I whoever witnesses it reminds me of it for many years to come. :PI do not suggest being like me. I'm clearly emotionally-retarded and when I do have an emotional outburst, it often is related to food. However, I would say there are more effective methods of expressing distress and being upset, and would point out that often it's better to cry to our closest loved ones if we are crying at all. Crying in private because you're frustrated is actually quite common, too, so if you get that way sometimes and you check and your life is currently being super frustrating, and it's not full on ugly crying for a half an hour, (more like 5ish minutes of light crying by yourself) that's just a reminder that you are human, really. It's OK. Did someone really hurt your feelings and a few tears escape…shit, well as long as it wasn't snot running, shuddering crying, you just are pretty much reacting normally like you would if you really got physically hurt…you aren't likely to have a full meltdown, but a few tears (generally in private,) aren't exceptionally odd. We all secretly cry a little sometimes. If, however, you find yourself crying a lot to acquaintances and frequently, and for extended periods, you probably want to talk to a therapist. Having frequent episodes of full on sobbing can be indicative of mental health issues which are better addressed by a licensed therapist to help you get past that point, and maybe even to a place where you also might only experience full on tears when some hamburger-based dinner is denied to you when you are cataclysmically drunk just like me. Then everyone will suspect you may be a stoic badass except when it comes to what's for dinner. 😉 Alright kids, this is what I have for answers to the current questions but if there are more, let me know. :)~C

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